My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
