what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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