i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
