When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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