You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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