so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
