I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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