Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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