therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
