I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
