I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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