you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
