Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
