I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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