Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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