I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
