I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im part way to drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
