This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
