Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
