I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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