I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Text me some of your sweat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
