When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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