he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
