I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
