i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
