ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
