im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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