Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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