Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
