mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
