By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize