What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
