I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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