took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
