So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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