I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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