glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
