I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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