There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
