My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
