I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
