so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A+ Viking dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
