I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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