Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
