She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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