I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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