Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
