last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
