Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
