Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
