My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
