I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
