i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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