She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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