That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
