thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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