i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
