Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
