If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found puke in my bra..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
