So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm too high and old for this...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
