i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
