Your mouth is God's brothel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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