Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
