Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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