Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
