Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
