I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
