there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
