you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
