i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
