guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
