Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
