we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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