She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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