I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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