i think i have two assholes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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