The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
