There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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