mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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