Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
