After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
