Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
