Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
