just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
