Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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