I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god it's open bar.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
