Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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