So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
