Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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