dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
