P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
