Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Im part way to drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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