Im at strip club and am horny
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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