So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
