Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
