Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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