bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
