so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
