Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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